Sun’s up, it’s midday and no one’s in sight. The cars are lined up like every quaint shop, gallery and cafe has a full stock of employees, but this town ain’t got no bustle. New York City’s drenched in filth and stink, but even with those sensory aversions, every street is filled. Crammed in the shadowy underbelly of manmade things blocking out sunshine, the streets pump thick with humanity like the carotid artery of the metropolis.
This place ain’t that. At all.
This place is a couple of wreaths and a string of lights short of being a Christmas card. My nephew’s LEGO Christmas village looks like this. Maybe the clean mountain air blows the hustle out. Or maybe the rumbling brick sidewalk is a bumpy diversion to foot traffic. I don’t get it, the space is cozy and welcoming, but no one’s here.
Your writing has a compelling rhythm to it. Yes, drawing contrasts, especially when depicted as vividly and starkly as you have here, is an excellent way to describe a place. The quiet charm on this street town begins to feel lonely, desolate, even puzzling when drawn out this way. I especially loved how the line--"Maybe the clean mountain air blows the hustle out."-- pretty much sums up everything.you've said here.
Thank you. I worried about spending too much *word space* on a completely different place, but I just had this sense that my protagonist wasn’t from around here, so they would see it through that lens.
Where'd everybody disappear to? Creepy lol! I love the comparison to the urban environment, which is nice and detailed. I especially liked the comparison to the Christmas village. I can't wait to see where everyone went!
I love that even though each of you chose the same image, your imaginations led you down different paths. That's because you did not merely describe what you saw in the photograph but you also depicted the mood, atmosphere, vibe--the feeling of the location. And that is how you create a sense of place for the reader.
The building’s façades looked old-timey, but the shops were modern, selling things such as chocolates, taffy, popcorn, pet items, wine, and gourmet hot sauces. A number of souvenir shops also lined the main street. This small tourist town was tucked into the mountains where the air was dry and cool, but the crowds only came during the summer. This February day was a quiet one.
This is lovely. I immediately picked up a quaint, touristy town vibe from the first sentence--"old-timey," "taffy," "gourmet hot sauces." And then "tucked into the mountains where the air was dry and cool, but the crowds only came during the summer..." gave me the feeling that something chilly (or chilling) was on the horizon and not just the weather. Great job creating a sense of place!
Ah! Yes! I also felt the quiet all over this place. I love that you gave his place a life in another time "the crowds only came during the summer". There is so much waiting to happen on this street, just not typically today. IF something does happen on "This February day" we know everyone will be surprised -- I'm hooked!
At the end of Main Street the mountains stand guard with their jagged ridges soften, as much as can be, by the recent snow. Sculptured, majestic and enticing to the adventuresome and how nice for the quaint shop owners thirsty for passerby's to gaze in their shining storefront windows hoping to distract them from continuing their track down Main Street to the mountains’ feet and come inside. This little town is fortunate as it has not seen the neglect and decay of so many main streets across America. Dutifully snow is cleared from the streets and sidewalks and pushed to the curb; shops are painted delightful color combinations with little sign of age other than the presence of arches, corbels, and columns with seating made available for the tired; and the American flag posted at the streets’ start welcoming all as it hangs vertically from its’ pole evidence of a breeze even the slightest is strangely absent.
This very nice line --"...the mountains stand guard with their jagged ridges..." zeroes in on the mountain as the dominant/central feature in your description (rather than the loneliness, quietness, or chilliness). The quaint shops are (hopefully for the proprietors) only "a distraction" at best. You see the pristine streets as a sign of a well-maintained tourist town. Any thought as to why no people are around? Maybe not and that's fine. Admittedly that's just coming out of my own preconceived ideas about these kinds of winter playgrounds.
Sun’s up, it’s midday and no one’s in sight. The cars are lined up like every quaint shop, gallery and cafe has a full stock of employees, but this town ain’t got no bustle. New York City’s drenched in filth and stink, but even with those sensory aversions, every street is filled. Crammed in the shadowy underbelly of manmade things blocking out sunshine, the streets pump thick with humanity like the carotid artery of the metropolis.
This place ain’t that. At all.
This place is a couple of wreaths and a string of lights short of being a Christmas card. My nephew’s LEGO Christmas village looks like this. Maybe the clean mountain air blows the hustle out. Or maybe the rumbling brick sidewalk is a bumpy diversion to foot traffic. I don’t get it, the space is cozy and welcoming, but no one’s here.
Your writing has a compelling rhythm to it. Yes, drawing contrasts, especially when depicted as vividly and starkly as you have here, is an excellent way to describe a place. The quiet charm on this street town begins to feel lonely, desolate, even puzzling when drawn out this way. I especially loved how the line--"Maybe the clean mountain air blows the hustle out."-- pretty much sums up everything.you've said here.
Thank you. I worried about spending too much *word space* on a completely different place, but I just had this sense that my protagonist wasn’t from around here, so they would see it through that lens.
And that's exactly what you should have done...write something that feels real to you and your character.
Where'd everybody disappear to? Creepy lol! I love the comparison to the urban environment, which is nice and detailed. I especially liked the comparison to the Christmas village. I can't wait to see where everyone went!
I agree. Her description brings out the subtle creepiness in the photo.
You and me both!! 😆
I love that even though each of you chose the same image, your imaginations led you down different paths. That's because you did not merely describe what you saw in the photograph but you also depicted the mood, atmosphere, vibe--the feeling of the location. And that is how you create a sense of place for the reader.
The building’s façades looked old-timey, but the shops were modern, selling things such as chocolates, taffy, popcorn, pet items, wine, and gourmet hot sauces. A number of souvenir shops also lined the main street. This small tourist town was tucked into the mountains where the air was dry and cool, but the crowds only came during the summer. This February day was a quiet one.
This is lovely. I immediately picked up a quaint, touristy town vibe from the first sentence--"old-timey," "taffy," "gourmet hot sauces." And then "tucked into the mountains where the air was dry and cool, but the crowds only came during the summer..." gave me the feeling that something chilly (or chilling) was on the horizon and not just the weather. Great job creating a sense of place!
Thank you.
Ah! Yes! I also felt the quiet all over this place. I love that you gave his place a life in another time "the crowds only came during the summer". There is so much waiting to happen on this street, just not typically today. IF something does happen on "This February day" we know everyone will be surprised -- I'm hooked!
Thanks, Nicole!
At the end of Main Street the mountains stand guard with their jagged ridges soften, as much as can be, by the recent snow. Sculptured, majestic and enticing to the adventuresome and how nice for the quaint shop owners thirsty for passerby's to gaze in their shining storefront windows hoping to distract them from continuing their track down Main Street to the mountains’ feet and come inside. This little town is fortunate as it has not seen the neglect and decay of so many main streets across America. Dutifully snow is cleared from the streets and sidewalks and pushed to the curb; shops are painted delightful color combinations with little sign of age other than the presence of arches, corbels, and columns with seating made available for the tired; and the American flag posted at the streets’ start welcoming all as it hangs vertically from its’ pole evidence of a breeze even the slightest is strangely absent.
This very nice line --"...the mountains stand guard with their jagged ridges..." zeroes in on the mountain as the dominant/central feature in your description (rather than the loneliness, quietness, or chilliness). The quaint shops are (hopefully for the proprietors) only "a distraction" at best. You see the pristine streets as a sign of a well-maintained tourist town. Any thought as to why no people are around? Maybe not and that's fine. Admittedly that's just coming out of my own preconceived ideas about these kinds of winter playgrounds.
Not sure I started off thinking about the absence of people but maybe the line at the end introduces something strange may be going on.
Yes, I picked that up. It did feel strange that you made a point of noting that the breeze was absent.