Hello all. I hope you keep the setting descriptions coming. I'm away over the weekend and may be a little slower that usual responding but I do plan to check in here and there and will comment on your posts as soon as I can.
If not for the “house on fire” call from Aunt Ida I would not be standing here. Resisting Aunt Ida even from far away was impossible. Often I’d find myself searching for something she’d seen in a magazine or on TV. Not once had she called and begged me to come home. This time she called in such a panic using words like hallucinations, crazy talk, and seeing shadows with no one near by as she described my Fathers’ current state. How frighten she must be to live in that cramp apartment above the art emporium with him possibly losing his mind. I’d hoped once I left she would find the courage to leave as well. There was a time when I too felt afraid to escape the false protection of the majestic mountains down Main Street, the comforting clutter of the art emporium with it’s cheerful facade, and my Father.
Very imaginative use of the photograph and enjoyable to read. Loved the way you drew it along and built up the tension/conflict with phrases like ""house on fire" call" . . . "seeing shadows" . . . "him possibly losing his mind" . . . "find the courage to leave as well." By the time you mention the actual physical setting we are right there with you in the cramped and cluttered apartment above the art emporium, sensing the apprehension of the narrator and aunt about the father in that setting, wondering how things got to this point and where they are going.
I've been traveling so frequent interruptions... I wanted to add for others that this description illustrates that you don't need a lot of detail about the physical attributes of a location (although there is nothing wrong with that). Here, we feel a vivid "sense of place" from the narrator's description of what has been happening in the space.
Not sure if it's too late for this? I'm new here and just jumping in! :-)
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They were in a small, rocky clearing at the edge of a large lake. The shoreline was rocky and ragged. Heavy, grey clouds crawled across the sky, casting large dark shadows on the water. Tall reeds growing along the shoreline between the scattered rocks swayed in the slight breeze. Vesper was at the water’s edge, lapping the water, ears twitching. Sylvhan’s worried eyes focused on her father, lying on a pile of blankets beside her. He hadn’t moved since they had placed him there a few hours earlier. Vesper’s head lifted suddenly, her nose twitching as she scented the breeze. Sylvhan grabbed her dagger and rose when Vesper stalked to the edge of the woods, her hackles rising.
I really enjoyed this, Anne. From the first few lines of the description we slowly begin to realize that something dark has happened on this stretch of shoreline. We soon realize this is Sylvhan’s perspective of the scene and that something even more sinister than we might have at first imagined may be about to unfold nearby at the edge of the woods. Compelling and full of potential conflict.
I love the imagery, so detailed. I also like that there’s a dog character! At least, I think it’s a dog? I wonder why Sylvhan felt she needed to take out her weapon.
After a day of shopping, Trina returned to her hotel room, which contained a queen-size bed and a smart TV. In the corner was a small round table with two chairs and a blue wine bottle with a fake carnation inside. The place was roomy and had a spectacular view of the mountains in the distance. Unfortunately, the headboard in the room next to hers banged rhythmically against the wall they shared. Just what she needed. All she wanted to do was relax and order room service. Instead, she knocked on the wall with her fist as hard as she could. The noise stopped, but only for a moment. Should she knock on their door instead? Or call the concierge?
Well, Trina certainly has a problem with the neighbors in her hotel room! We sense Trina's weariness and frustration but what's going on in her life that led her to a hotel room all alone in the mountains seeking relaxation and room service? A hint of a conflict or challenge (family troubles? work problems? etc.) back home would go a long way toward drawing the reader into Trina's world. Trina's state of mind should also influence how she sees the things around her. For example, does she see the blue wine bottle as cheap gimmick or more like a cute trinket? This is a good start and you could take it in many interesting directions. I hope you give it some thought and take the time to dig a little deeper.
Be interesting to see if Trina, after so many challenging trips with family and friends, decides to become a solo travelers (ok that’s me). I agree this story could go in many directions. I’m intrigued.
Hello all. I hope you keep the setting descriptions coming. I'm away over the weekend and may be a little slower that usual responding but I do plan to check in here and there and will comment on your posts as soon as I can.
If not for the “house on fire” call from Aunt Ida I would not be standing here. Resisting Aunt Ida even from far away was impossible. Often I’d find myself searching for something she’d seen in a magazine or on TV. Not once had she called and begged me to come home. This time she called in such a panic using words like hallucinations, crazy talk, and seeing shadows with no one near by as she described my Fathers’ current state. How frighten she must be to live in that cramp apartment above the art emporium with him possibly losing his mind. I’d hoped once I left she would find the courage to leave as well. There was a time when I too felt afraid to escape the false protection of the majestic mountains down Main Street, the comforting clutter of the art emporium with it’s cheerful facade, and my Father.
Very imaginative use of the photograph and enjoyable to read. Loved the way you drew it along and built up the tension/conflict with phrases like ""house on fire" call" . . . "seeing shadows" . . . "him possibly losing his mind" . . . "find the courage to leave as well." By the time you mention the actual physical setting we are right there with you in the cramped and cluttered apartment above the art emporium, sensing the apprehension of the narrator and aunt about the father in that setting, wondering how things got to this point and where they are going.
I am really enjoying the exercises. Thank you for doing this.
Happy to hear that.
I've been traveling so frequent interruptions... I wanted to add for others that this description illustrates that you don't need a lot of detail about the physical attributes of a location (although there is nothing wrong with that). Here, we feel a vivid "sense of place" from the narrator's description of what has been happening in the space.
So rich with detail. I love it! I can’t wait to find out why Aunt Ida called.
Not sure if it's too late for this? I'm new here and just jumping in! :-)
===================
They were in a small, rocky clearing at the edge of a large lake. The shoreline was rocky and ragged. Heavy, grey clouds crawled across the sky, casting large dark shadows on the water. Tall reeds growing along the shoreline between the scattered rocks swayed in the slight breeze. Vesper was at the water’s edge, lapping the water, ears twitching. Sylvhan’s worried eyes focused on her father, lying on a pile of blankets beside her. He hadn’t moved since they had placed him there a few hours earlier. Vesper’s head lifted suddenly, her nose twitching as she scented the breeze. Sylvhan grabbed her dagger and rose when Vesper stalked to the edge of the woods, her hackles rising.
I wanted to add that it’s never too late. Happy to have you join us. ☺️
Thank you! I'm glad to be here. So much to learn....
I really enjoyed this, Anne. From the first few lines of the description we slowly begin to realize that something dark has happened on this stretch of shoreline. We soon realize this is Sylvhan’s perspective of the scene and that something even more sinister than we might have at first imagined may be about to unfold nearby at the edge of the woods. Compelling and full of potential conflict.
I love the imagery, so detailed. I also like that there’s a dog character! At least, I think it’s a dog? I wonder why Sylvhan felt she needed to take out her weapon.
After a day of shopping, Trina returned to her hotel room, which contained a queen-size bed and a smart TV. In the corner was a small round table with two chairs and a blue wine bottle with a fake carnation inside. The place was roomy and had a spectacular view of the mountains in the distance. Unfortunately, the headboard in the room next to hers banged rhythmically against the wall they shared. Just what she needed. All she wanted to do was relax and order room service. Instead, she knocked on the wall with her fist as hard as she could. The noise stopped, but only for a moment. Should she knock on their door instead? Or call the concierge?
Well, Trina certainly has a problem with the neighbors in her hotel room! We sense Trina's weariness and frustration but what's going on in her life that led her to a hotel room all alone in the mountains seeking relaxation and room service? A hint of a conflict or challenge (family troubles? work problems? etc.) back home would go a long way toward drawing the reader into Trina's world. Trina's state of mind should also influence how she sees the things around her. For example, does she see the blue wine bottle as cheap gimmick or more like a cute trinket? This is a good start and you could take it in many interesting directions. I hope you give it some thought and take the time to dig a little deeper.
Thanks so much for the feedback! I’ll continue working on it.
Feel free to ask questions.
Be interesting to see if Trina, after so many challenging trips with family and friends, decides to become a solo travelers (ok that’s me). I agree this story could go in many directions. I’m intrigued.
Thanks, Robin. There will be a twist!